The Dinner Party
by ZombieJazz
Summary: Olivia and her family invite Cargen and his new lady friend over for dinner. This is a recast of the dinner party scene in Rapist Anonymous episode of Season 15. It is set in the Olivia/Will/Noah AU and would take place following the Her Negotiation story of that series. Story 10 of series.
1. The Arrival

**Title: Dinner Party**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Will and Noah have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: Olivia and her family invite Cargen and his new lady friend over for dinner. This is a recast of the dinner party scene in Rapist Anonymous episode of Season. It is set in the Olivia/Will/Noah AU and would take place following the Her Negotiation story of that series.**

"That will be them," Olivia said over her shoulder as she finished putting the last of the plates onto the table.

"They got up here quick," Will responded from the kitchen counter and pulled on the faucet, running his hands under the water and rather loudly shaking the surplus off before drying his hands and following behind her towards the door.

Olivia offered a smile as soon as she pulled the apartment door open and found her captain and his new lady friend that he'd seemed to rather hesitantly agree to bringing over for dinner. Cragen looked almost as awkward and nervous as she felt. But Olivia hoped she was doing a better job hiding it than him.

"Hi," she greeted genuinely. "Welcome," she said and held the door open more, as Will took over the weight of it with his arrival in their small foyer.

"Ah, thank you for having us," Cragen said as he sort of gestured to let his lady friend enter first. "This is Eileen," he said. "Switzer."

The woman was a bit of a mouse of a woman. A wispy brunette. But there also seemed to be a quiet dignity about her. She seemed a little intimidated by the introduction and the situation too – though she might not have looked quite as nervous as Cragen did.

As the woman started to unbutton her jacket, showing off her colorful blouse that appeared both artsy and 60-something woman all wrapped up into one, Olivia suddenly came to the realization that she was the only one wearing any color. Her and Will might as well have dressed for a funeral. They were both in black. That was partially her fault. Will had come out of the bedroom dressed in a pair of cords and one of his 'dressier' tshirts when she'd taken him back in and laid out a supposedly more mature set of clothing for their rather intimate dinner party. Apparently, though, black was her preferred color of the evening. She thought that might actually say a lot about where their minds were at. What was supposed to be a quiet celebration of their new home and new beginnings and they were dressed like death. But what might've said more about where everyone knew they were at was that Cragen had arrived in a black blazer too.

"Olivia," she provided though, without a commentary on anyone's attire, jutting out her hand in continued greeting. "This is my husband, Will," she gestured as she finished the not quite-firm-enough shake with the other woman.

"Hi," Will greeted and shook the woman's hand and then held his hand out to Cragen. "Captain," he nodded.

There was a click to one of the doors off their hallway and Olivia glanced over her shoulder to see Noah peaking out. He still had a toothbrush hanging out of the side of his mouth, as he eyed them through the crack. She offered him a smile and waved at him.

"Come say 'hello', sweets," she encouraged.

He still squinted at them from the crack for several seconds before pulling the bathroom door open the rest of the way and padding out in his pajamas, the toothbrush still clutched in his one hand. He decided to play shy, though, and leaned against his mother while he continued to eye up their arrivals.

"This is our son, Noah," Olivia introduced. "Can you be polite and say 'hello' to Captain Cragen's friend Eileen, please, Noah?"

"Hello," Noah offered quietly.

"Hello Noah," the woman offered back to him with a kind smile. "It's nice to meet you."

Noah didn't provide any further response to her and instead turned his attention to the Captain. "Is she your girlfriend?" he asked bluntly.

Olivia looked down at him and hushed him loudly. "Noah," she said sternly. "That's very rude. Eileen was just introduced as the Captain's friend."

Her son looked at her with innocent eyes. "But Mom," he said without any sort of apology in his voice, "you and Dad were friends and then you were boyfriend-girlfriend and then you got engaged and then you got married and then you were husband and wife and then you were Mom and Dad. And they are way older then you so maybe they are boyfriend-girlfriend at least."

She gaped at him a moment and then shook her head. "OK. Well, thank you for that explanation of the evolution of relationships, Noah," she said and gave their guests an apologetic look. "Please go finish brushing your teeth?"

He gave her a shrug and eyed the older couple for a few more seconds before turning on his heel and heading back to the bathroom.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said. "It's past his bedtime," she added, like it was any sort of explanation.

Eileen just gave her another soft smile, though. "It's OK," she said. "It's always out of the mouth of babes, isn't it?"

Olivia tried to return the smile but what she was really feeling was slightly embarrassed. Her son usually wasn't that rude. But they also hadn't had much interaction with people lately and all their social skills had suffered for it – as was apparent in her and Will's bumbling at welcoming their guests.

"Umm," Cragen stuttered again the foyer of his own accord, "we brought you a bottle from a winery Eileen supports. They use …" he looked at her.

"Biodynamical grown grapes," she finished for him.

Olivia took the bottle that was being held out by Cragen but looked to Will in her own brief stutter. She wasn't sure how to go about this. She didn't want to come across as rude but she also didn't want to wade too far into their family's recovery process with a stranger. She had told Cragen not to bring anything. She hadn't considered that he'd ignore that request or that his guest would bring a hostess offering. She really hadn't considered that it would be alcohol that her AA captain would potentially be handing her.

"Ah … " she stuttered, still eyeing Will. She could feel the Captain's eyes on her at that moment too and knew that things had just become awkward before they'd even managed to move beyond the awkwardness of the entire dinner party.

They'd never had Cragen over to their home before. Ever. The only time he'd come close to it was their wedding – and he'd appeared just as awkward and unsure about his presence there as he did now in their apartment. Olivia actually thought that this should probably feel more awkward. Cragen knew too much about what had happened and what had been going on in her life in the past several months. He knew that she and her family were trying to restart and trying to find their feet. That this apartment was part of that and that the invitation to him to join them for dinner was a big effort on her part. Beyond Will's family, he was the first person they were letting into their new home. But he had been so supportive in these early stages of her journey to try to reclaim some sort of normalcy. He seemed like the right person to have over – and really he was one of the only people she thought they'd trust in their home at that point too. They were still being cautious about who they let see glimpses of their home life and even more cautious about how they actually allowed access to their home – as was evident by their new apartment in a secure building with a doormen and cameras and an alarm system. None of it was fool-proof but it was better than what they'd had before and that helped them find at least a little bit of sleep at night. For the tiny segments of interrupted sleep that any of them achieved anymore.

She rubbed at her eyebrow for a moment and then tried to offer a smile. She hated to be adding to the rudeness just exhibited by her son by now turning down the party favor.

"This really does look like a beautiful bottle of wine," she said carefully, "but Will and I actually aren't really drinking these days. We'd hate for you to waste something this nice on us."

She could see Cragen looking embarrassed again – for her, for himself, for his invitee. Olivia felt bad and glanced again at Will. He gave her a reassuring thin smile that said he probably wouldn't have handled it any better. She inwardly sighed, though. It hadn't felt good saying it.

"Oh," Eileen said and her face had fallen a little. "I'm sorry," she offered, "I didn't realize."

Olivia tried to shrug and held the bottle back outward. "There's no need for apologies. We really do appreciate the thought."

Cragen took it back and Eileen then held out what she had clutched in her hands instead.

"Well, I brought dessert too," she said, "but Don warned me Will is health-conscious. So I won't be offended if you aren't able to enjoy it either."

Will gave her a smile at that and happily took the pie tin from her. "Oh, I'm not that health-conscious," he said and handed the tray to Olivia.

"If this is anywhere near as good as your preserves, I can guarantee the rest of us will have trouble getting a slice before he's finished the whole pie off himself," she said.

"It's because she never bakes for me," Will teased. "I have to stockpile when the getting's good." Olivia rolled her eyes at him but Will was ignoring her. "Here, let me take your coats," he said and held out his hand.

Cragen near immediately draped his across Will's arm and then followed after Olivia as she made her way back to the kitchen to deposit the pie.

"Olivia," he said quietly as they reached the counter. "I'm sorry. I should've told her it was inappropriate to bring the wine."

Olivia shook her head. "You really don't need to apologize. I'm sorry if we embarrassed her … or you. I just … didn't want to insult her by not opening the bottle tonight or by her being the only one drinking from it."

"I thought I'd seen you and Will with a glass at John's retirement so when Eileen suggested bringing the bottle, I just thought it would be nice," Cragen admitted, still sounding embarrassed.

She shrugged. "We had tried a drink there," she agreed. "We decided we're going to take a longer break from it."

The reality was that she half ways expected that the longer break from alcohol might end up as permanent abstinence. She thought she might be OK with wine. But she hadn't been. One sip and she'd set it aside. Really the whole smell of the bar and the wafting of the alcohol in everyone else's glasses had been a little much. She couldn't stand the taste. She couldn't stand the smell. It was even worse when she'd kissed Will later in the evening and the alcohol was still lingering on his lips, his tongue, his breath. It was more than she could take. So for now – maybe for always – she was forgoing it, and Will had agreed to as well. He didn't want to smell or taste like something (or someone) that was connected to such a horrifying ordeal. But they'd tried to joke that it was just better since Will could barely tolerate a single drink before he got buzzed. Neither of needed that. Olivia actually never wanted that buzzed feeling of incapacity and lack of control again – in any of their lives.

Cragen gave her a sad look but made no comment. He hadn't been pressing her on much of any of it. He'd only advised that she take her time. That had been about the most he'd said. She appreciated that. Still, some of his looks at time said more than he ever vocally needed to. She knew he had regret and guilt in him. She didn't want him to. But she didn't know how to have that conversation with him. She hoped maybe having him and his new lady friend over, though, might open some conversation with them before his retirement or at least help elevate some of the guilt she saw in him. She wanted him to know she and her family were trying to be OK and she wanted to get an idea that he was going to be OK when SVU and the NYPD were no longer a part of his life too.

"Ah…", he seemed to try to change topics, having clearly long past grown uncomfortable with the topic of the wine and her and Will's abstinent from alcohol. But he again looked embarrassed and held up a gift bag. "I brought a small house warming gift for Noah," he said. "I hope that's OK?"

Olivia didn't have a chance to answer, though. Noah had spectacular timing and had re-emerged from having brushed his teeth, wandering his way up behind Cragen unnoticed.

"You brought me something?" Noah blurted excitedly.

The Captain glanced over his shoulder and again looked embarrassed by the circumstances. Still, he gave her a look, again asking for permission. But Olivia just nodded. If she'd had another second, she would've told him that he really hadn't needed to bring her son anything. That wasn't going to happen now, though.

The Captain handed the bag over to Noah. "I thought you could use a new toy for your new room," he said kindly.

Noah looked excitedly into the bag and pulled out some tissue bag before dropping the bag to the ground and holding up a small boxed remote control helicopter.

"COOL!" he declared and held it up at her to see.

She gave him a small smile and directed the same to the Captain. "What do you say?" she reminded her son.

"Thank you," Noah said loudly but was already turning around and near running to Will. "Daddy, look what Captain Cragen brought me."

"Oh, wow," Will said taking the box from their little boy and examining it himself.

Olivia shook her head and rolled her eyes. She was pretty sure she just lost her help finishing up dinner – and Eileen seemed to notice. The older woman was already headed for the kitchen to join her.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" she offered.

Olivia looked at what they still had in a state of preparation on the counter. They were running behind schedule – as usual – before the arrival of their guests.

"I think I've got it about under control," she offered as a white lie and Eileen just gave her a small smile. Olivia, though, was still rolling her eyes at Will, who was now trying to work at extracting the helicopter out of the box for Noah who was doing it best to get it out of his dad's hand before he completed the job. "I bet the Captain neglected to mention I have two boys, not one," she said with a gesture into the living area.

Eileen just smiled and offered her own nod to where Cragen had joined Will and Noah and was digging through the discarded gift bag and telling them that he'd brought batteries as well. "I don't know," she said. "I got the impression on the way over that Don was looking forward to getting a chance to play with it too."


	2. Prep Work

**Title: Dinner Party**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Will and Noah have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: Olivia and her family invite Cargen and his new lady friend over for dinner. This is a recast of the dinner party scene in Rapist Anonymous episode of Season 15. It is set in the Olivia/Will/Noah AU and would take place following the Her Negotiation story of that series.**

Olivia looked over at Will as her and Eileen returned to the living room. He still had the helicopter controller in his hand and it pretty much looked like he had completely taken over the activity. Not only did he have control of the toy but he was also lecturing Noah about the physics involved in making the toy keep flight with each time he thumbed a trigger on the joystick in his hand. She wasn't surprised Will was trying to give their son a bit of a lesson. It looked like Noah had been struggling with keeping the toy steady in the air and she'd heard some crashes while she was showing the rest of the apartment to the Captain's lady friend. She assumed the thing had been flown into walls and had gone tumbling to the floor. But she didn't like Will completely removing the activity from Noah or giving him a lecture that he clearly wasn't interested in hearing. He just wanted to fly the helicopter.

Really, she was starting to get a little unimpressed with Will, in general. She thought his behavior was bordering as embarrassing as Noah's when their guests had arrived. He'd all but abandoned her in playing host and he certainly didn't look like he was entertaining the Captain very well either. If anything, the Captain looked almost was bored with Will's explanation of how the toy worked as Noah did. Not to mention, he'd been a little rude to her and Eileen a few minutes earlier.

Eileen had been trying to chat with her in the kitchen, where she'd pretty much taken over as the second set of hands in Will's distraction with the new toy. Olivia was still struggling with trying to find a comfortable area for small talk. It wasn't about small talking with Eileen. She just didn't know she knew how to small talk with much of anyone anymore. It was far easier to just keep to herself and to keep quiet. She knew she was doing it but she was still struggling to pull herself out of that rut and to be more sociable with anyone. It just always felt like everyone was just waiting for an opportunity to ask how she was doing and then to use that opportunity to give her that knowing and sympathetic look – that didn't truly know or understand anything and really didn't even begin to comprehend what they were being sympathetic about. Beyond that, she didn't want anyone's sympathy. She just wanted like to get back to as 'normal' as it ever was going to be anymore and for people to start treating her more 'normally' again. She wasn't sure when that would ever come and she appreciated that it was likely hard for people to treat her 'normally' when she likely wasn't acting anywhere near what her previous 'normal' had been.

Eileen had started down a dangerous path in the small talk. She'd been commenting on how new the building had seemed and had asked about when the development had gone in. She'd expressed some envy about how modern and large their island-based kitchen was and just how contemporary their whole living space looked. How she often gravitated towards the older developments and some of the pre-war buildings but that the newness of the apartment really did have a nice aurora about it and was surprisingly refreshing. Olivia had felt like it was only sentences away from the woman asking about where they'd moved from and why they'd moved.

Olivia wasn't really sure how much Cragen had told Eileen about her and her family or if he'd disclosed much about what had happened to them in the spring. But she definitely wasn't ready to even provide the short answers: "The Upper West Side", "A brownstone". She didn't know what to give for a longer answer if they got that usual shocked look – like they'd gotten from some of their neighbors and the "Why did you move?" If Will was with her when that question enviably came up, he always jumped in and just offered, "It was time for a change." It was good when he was there to do that. Because when she was on her own Olivia knew she just got that glass-eyed look as she struggled not to picture their bedroom and that night or what had happened in the apartment above them in that brownstone. But pushing it out of her mind even when she wasn't thinking directly about it was hard enough. It was worse when someone right out asked them a question about their past and where they'd come from and they gave them that look of envy about a brownstone apartment in the Upper West Side. She'd looked at people with envy about living in that neighborhood and in those brownstones before they'd lived there too. For the moment, though, she couldn't even stand walking through the area – not matter how many blocks it was from where they'd lived.

So when she'd started to sense they were entering the territory of a conversation she didn't want to have, Olivia had instead offered to show Eileen the rest of their 'contemporary' apartment, as she kept on saying. There wasn't a lot to see. It was just a two-bedroom apartment with a small open concept loft and a little alcove they could almost mask as a workspace. But their living space and kitchen that they were already in made up the majority of the floor space. But if giving the woman a peak at their bedrooms and the bathroom would halt where the topic of discussion was headed, and instead maybe shift it to the brand new bedroom furniture and décor they'd invested in, Olivia was happy to take that route.

While walking past the men to head down the hall on the brief tour, Olivia had said she was just going to show Eileen the rest of the apartment. She'd meant it as an invitation, on the off chance that the Captain was interested in seeing the space too. She hadn't really expected him to. She knew that décor and home design wouldn't fall into the interest realm of most men and she definitely didn't peg it as something that Cragen would remotely humor as a hobby. But it hadn't been his predicted declination of the invitation that had bothered her. It had been Will initially not even responding that had rubbed her the wrong way and when she'd finally caught his attention he'd looked at Cragen and had stated flatly, "Our bedroom isn't that interesting." That had definitely rubbed her the wrong way. It had just showed how disengaged he was with what was happening in the other half of their 'dinner party' and how he wasn't even hearing what was going on when they'd agreed they were doing this together. Now, he was still sitting there on the couch, completely not acknowledging they were back from the little home showing and it was again Eileen that was making a beeline back to help in the kitchen.

"Will," she called at him from where she was glaring at the back of his head from where she was standing behind their couch. He still hadn't heard her he was so absorbed. "Will," she said louder and it was Cragen who turned and looked at her. From the look on his face, it was clear that he could sense her annoyance at that point. But still nothing from her husband. "William McTeague," she said in a tone that sounded far too much like his mother but it was enough for him to glance over his shoulder. He gave her that same innocent look that Noah had graced her with when he'd been being rude to their guests.

"What?" he asked.

She gestured for him to come and speak to her. Apparently that gesture and the glare she was giving him was finally enough for him to sense he was in the dog house and he gave a little sigh but handed the controller to Noah, who made a small happy sound. He rose from the couch and walked over to her and she grabbed the material on the sleeve of his shirt and pulled him a few more feet supposedly out of earshot (though she knew they wouldn't likely be) and closer to the dining room table.

"What?" he asked again with some of his own annoyance in his voice.

"Three things," she said sternly and met his eyes.

She still struggled with looking directly into his eyes. His once so beautiful eyes that had one her over and that she could still get lost in. But there was always an underlying sadness to them now. And, the one that had been so badly damaged in Lewis' assault on him, even after his surgery, it still was slightly more dilated then the other and had a glint to it always looked so far off and unfocused. It never seemed to change color in quite the same way or the same pace or rate as his other eye anymore. That look in it and the memory of his previous dancing eyes still pulled at her in ways that she didn't want to fully reflect on or deal with yet. She was still wondering when it'd start to seem 'normal' too.

"First," Olivia said and gestured back towards the couch, "the Captain brought the toy for Noah. Not you. You are completely taking over. Stop it. Your son is not one of your students. He doesn't care about the physics of it. He wants to play with it – and so does my Captain. So give them some space. Please."

Will glanced over his shoulder to the couch too like he hadn't even realized he was doing that. He likely hadn't. Will really seemed to exist with blinders on anymore. It was his coping mechanism. She understood. But his blinders weren't acceptable while they had company over and were trying to put up the charade of normalcy. These weren't his parents who were used to their idiosyncrasies of them and of their recovery. They needed to try a little harder.

The scene beginning behind them now, though, was only proving her point of how much he'd just invaded on Cragen's little moment with Noah. The Captain had already scooted down the couch closer to Noah, who was leaning against him in a way that he often only reserved for his Popa. Her son was finally getting a chance to fly the machine and though he was still struggling with figuring out how to keep the toy balanced and buoyant in the air, instead of grabbing the remote from him, the Captain was pointing at the little joysticks and quietly explaining how to maneuver them to level the helicopter out, gesturing at the toy and offering praise as the chopper steadied. And, more importantly, rather than looking bored out of his mind at Will's rambling, Noah was offering the Captain cautious small smiles, which her son was still only giving in moderation these days.

Will sighed. "Yeah, sorry," he said.

"Next," Olivia said, "I only have two hands, Will. You've left me alone in the kitchen. I don't know what you were doing in there with some of the food – and our guest is now the one is helping make the dinner that we invited her over for. That's really rude."

"OK," Will said and looked by her back to the kitchen and then glanced back at the play with the toy like that was still what he'd rather be doing than finishing up the prep for the entrée he'd been creating. "I'll come back and help."

She nodded. "Good, but first – and lastly, you haven't even offered my Captain a drink."

He looked at her at that and then lower his voice a bit. "I thought he didn't drink?"

She made an exasperated sound. "We have water, milk, juice, Coke, club soda, sparkling cider. Coffee. Tea. Offer him something, Will."

"Oh …" he said.

She just drilled her eyes into him one more time and then turned on her heel and went back to try to relieve Eileen and to again offer for her to go and sit in the living room. Though, she didn't seem that interested in playing with the helicopter or watching the boys play and Olivia could tell the other woman had definitely picked up on the fact that she needed help in the kitchen and wasn't going to leave her in there alone. She hoped, though, that now Will would be joining her momentarily.

"Ah … Captain …," Will said, having moved around the couch, "can I offer you a drink?"

"A club soda would be fine," Cragen said, having clearly overheard their conversation. "And, you can call me Don, Will."

Will nodded and offered a small, "OK. I'll get that for you."

He came into the kitchen and gave her an apologetic look and then got a glass from the cupboard.

"So what are you doing with this?" Olivia asked as he worked to pour the simple drink. "Is it ready?"

Will glanced over his shoulder and looked at the pesto stuffed chicken breasts. "Yeah," he said. "I'm just going to put some basil on top and its ready to go in the oven when we sit down with the salad."

She nodded and gestured at the wild rice he had going. "And this?"

"I still want to sauté some mushrooms and garlic to mix in with that," he said.

"Well, I'd like to serve our guests the first course soon, so do you want to get started on that," she said and turned back to where she was trying to finish up the vinaigrette for the poached pear and candied pecan salad she'd been put in charge of.

"Yeah," Will said and finished up pouring the drink, he held it out to Eileen. "Ah, I've got this in here. You're welcome to go and sit down in the living room. We'll only be a few more minutes. Do you need a top up on your drink?"

Eileen gave him a small smile. "I'm fine, thank you," she said, but accepted the drink meant for Cragen and made her retreat to the couch.

Olivia pulled open the oven to check on the baked brie and the crostinis she had almost ready in there. Will better get his act together or else he'd be out in the kitchen while the rest of them enjoyed their first course, she thought.

She heard him sigh at the counter behind her and glanced over her shoulder to see where he was now trying to play catch-up in prepping his mushrooms and garlic cloves. He seemed to sense her looking at him and he turned and gave her a sad smile.

"Sorry, babe," he said.

She returned the thin smile. "It's OK. Let's just get this done so we can go and sit down and visit too. Enjoy dinner. I'm getting hungry. They must be too."

He nodded. "Yeah," he agreed. But he kept looking at her with those sad, slightly unfocused eyes. He sighed again and stopped what he was doing and crossed the space to her, wrapping his hands around her waist. She let him and returned the gesture with a small embrace. "Try to relax and enjoy yourself too, Liv," he said quietly with his mouth closer to here ear. "It's just Cragen. He knows."


	3. First Course

**Title: Dinner Party**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Will and Noah have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: Olivia and her family invite Cargen and his new lady friend over for dinner. This is a recast of the dinner party scene in Rapist Anonymous episode of Season 15. It is set in the Olivia/Will/Noah AU and would take place following the Her Negotiation story of that series.**

"This salad is really lovely," Eileen said as they began their dinner.

Olivia offered her a small smile from across the table. "Thank you," she said.

"It's a lovely view too," Cragen said.

He was rather impressed with his detective's new place of residence. The building was beyond obviously new. The apartment was beyond obviously modern. It was clear that Olivia must've put a lot of time and effort into decorating it. He supposed it had been a good distraction but it was glaringly obvious just how different in terms of style, layout and décor his detective and her husband had gone in the decision to leave their brownstone.

He hadn't been surprised by that decision. He couldn't imagine how they could go back even though he did know victims to go back to their residences after their assaults. He imagined it would be vastly different, though, when the assault had been against the whole family and a small child had been involved. He didn't know how any of them could feel safe in there ever again.

What had surprised him, though, was the family's decision to leave Manhattan. He supposed it wasn't that surprising given what they'd been through. But it was surprising in terms of Olivia. His detective had lived in Manhattan since she was a child. Even as a young detective – even as a uni – on limited salary, she'd found apartments and neighbors to live in. Manhattan living seemed like a part of Olivia Benson's identity. Yet they'd chosen to move. It wasn't lost on Cragen, though, that even in their choice to move they'd picked a neighborhood – and a condo that offered them clear views of the city. And a rather spectacular view at that. It wasn't the kind of view that would've come cheap.

"Yeah, thanks," Will said. "We decided since I finally offloaded my student debt, we could afford the big bucks for that," he said and glanced over his shoulder at the expansive windows behind their dining table.

Their hosts had positioned them so they'd be able to sit and look out at the city lights. Cragen found himself wondering if Olivia and Will usually sat with their backs to the window – ignoring the view that they'd clearly spent the 'big bucks' on. Or if they'd simply allowed him and Eileen a chance to be memorized it. It was hard not to be. The way the city lit up at night – even at that distance – was something special. Cragen almost feared he might become distracted by the lights and prove to be a rather poor dinner guest and company for his invitee to the event.

Eileen, though, seemed to be carrying most of the conversation at the moment. Cragen thought he might be almost grateful for that. He'd felt a little awkward in Olivia's invitation to join her family for dinner. He didn't make a habit of dining with his subordinates – or anything else for that matter. But his detective had been through so much and he knew the invitation was a big step and a big effort on her part. He couldn't deny her that. It likely would've done more harm. But his awkwardness about attending only increased when she'd suggested he bring the woman he'd reconnected with at his high school reunion. She'd clearly read between the lines and had realized that he was interested in having Eileen as more than just a friend. He'd been working on figuring out how to operate in a relationship in his senior years on his own time, though. He hadn't really wanted to parade that in front of detective. Especially at an engagement that was going to be hard and awkward enough. But Olivia had insisted. He'd relented but that didn't improve his bashfulness about being there with his guest. Eileen, though, seemed undeterred by it. She seemed to have more experience at dinner parties – or social gatherings of any kind – than him.

"That must've been some debt load," she said. "What is it that you do, Will?"

"I teach at NYU," Olivia's husband said between forkfuls of salad.

"And, do research," Olivia provided for him.

Cragen had definitely noticed that Will wasn't exactly excelling at the dinner party setting either. It made him wonder how much Olivia had twisted his arm in organizing this, which made him feel badly. He didn't want her husband having to do something he didn't really want to do.

It wasn't that Will was making him feel unwelcome. It was just that William McTeague didn't exactly seem like the man he'd met on previous occasions. But he wouldn't expect him to be. Not after what he'd been through and what his family – his wife – had been through.

Cragen had dealt with Will in the wake of Olivia's assault and abduction. But it had usually been in the context of the squad room. In the context of the investigation and the follow-up. Will had put on a different front than what he was putting on in his home now. He suspect what he was seeing at the moment wasn't a front. This was what normal looked like for the man now. And, normal looked tired and a little sad. Cragen had always known Will to be a somewhat shy and quiet man. That night, though, he just seemed withdrawn. He also seemed to almost be operating without a social filter. Certain things he was saying and doing just didn't seem like the man he'd known before. It was almost like he was operating in a staccato.

Will shrugged at Olivia's comment. "Yeah. That too. Not much research this semester."

Eileen seemed to brighten up at his mention of teaching, though. Cragen knew she would. "What is it that you teach?"

"Math," Will almost muttered in response, though.

"Oh?" Eileen seemed impressed. "What area of math is it that you're interested in?"

"Mmm …," Will said like he had to think about it. "Lately, I guess, datamining and statistical pattern recognition."

"He's interested in game theory," Olivia provided for him again when his answer had seemed somewhat lacking.

The man glanced at her. "Well, it's in essence the same thing," Will said in a somewhat condescending manner. "It's all models to look at movements of government, firms, people. Whatever."

Olivia shot him a look. Cragen could tell she was unimpressed with his tone. He wasn't exactly happy with Will talking to his detective that way, either. But he was giving Will the benefit of the doubt. He doubted that was the mind of attitude that Olivia would usually allow to prevail in her home. She wasn't one to let men treat her in a condescending manner or walk all over her. Of course, that had been before. She'd been changed. He was sure the dynamic of her and her husband's relationship had changed too. The couple he'd observed on previous occasions likely didn't exist anymore. The couldn't.

Will sighed, though. He must've recognized his wife's look that had clearly said he needed an attitude adjustment.

"I'm not doing much research this semester," he clarified. "I'm teaching some first year courses and an introduction to logic. I'm applying for a sabbatical."

That comment hung in the air. A sabbatical? Olivia had only agreed to be away from work for barely three months. Now almost six months after Lewis, her husband was looking to step away from work. Cragen thought that even if that comment had been meant in passing it was incredibly telling about where the family was at. Sitting there in their home he could tell they were struggling. He could see it daily in watching how Olivia interacted with her squad mates and the victims and the cases and her workload. But this took it to a different level. This was casting a glaringly illuminated light on it. For as much progress as they'd made, they still had so much more to go. They were hurting. Visibly.

"Oh … to have more time for your research?" Eileen asked.

Will shrugged. "I guess. … Not really."

"Will's been working on a book," Olivia provided. "On gamification. He's a published author."

Cragen had always known Olivia to be proud of Will's accomplishments. It wasn't uncommon for her to make mention of them. She knew she took a sense of pride in having found such an educated and respected man to partner with. He'd always been happy for her to have found the same. She had so long needed someone stable and respectful but who challenged her. William McTeague seemed to do both. And, Cragen had grown to like him and to be grateful she had him in her life. He'd been grateful for the man when his detective's son was sick, when she'd been shot and again in her recovery from her abduction and assault. He thought, too, that Will quietly liked that Olivia celebrated and toted his professional achievements. That night, though, he seemed to want to again contradict her.

"I've written academic papers and helped edit and supervise textbooks," he clarified flatly. That edge to his voice was apparent again.

Olivia gave him a look. "He's a bit of a rock star in the math world," she tried and gave him a small smile. But his face didn't even flicker at the compliment. Not the way Cragen had seen in the past. There wasn't a quiet bashfulness. There wasn't a little look between the two that he'd observed them sharing in years gone by. There was nothing. His face didn't even twitch.

"Not lately," he said. "I just want some time to help around here and to spend with Noah. I guess I'd get caught up on some number crunching too. Try to get something published in an academic journal to 'maintain my professional standing' and flaunt Courant."

Eileen was looking at him but clearly didn't know what to say. Cragen didn't either. But Olivia was looking at him too. Actually, her eyes were more drilling into him again and Cragen could almost feel her foot rap into Will's from where he was sitting. The way the man jumped and the look he gave her made the extent of its impact apparent.

"What is it that you do, Eileen?" Olivia asked after Will's continued mistemperment.

"Well, I'm retired now," she said. "But I used to teach at Lycee Francais."

"Ah … vraiment?" Olivia said.

Eileen smiled at that. "Mais oui. Vous parlez francias?"

"Un petit peu," Oliva nodded.

"Vous avez un bel accent," Eileen said.

Olivia smiled a little. "Merci," she allowed and almost shyly tucked a piece of her short hair behind her hair.

Cragen could tell she was still getting used to it that length. He'd observed her fiddling with it and trying to brush it away from her face and eyes only to find it wasn't long enough for her to tuck it behind her ear and out of the way like she once had. But she wasn't the first victim he'd known to chop off their hair or otherwise alter their appearance in the wake of their ordeal. Yet seeing his detective having made that adjustment again made him ache for her. But it'd been yet another thing that he'd felt like he wasn't allowed to mention or talk to her about. It had been a fine line for him. He had wanted to reach out to her as someone he cared about deeply. A woman he'd watched grow up under his command. From a 30 year old young detective to now a mature woman and mother and wife. There'd been times he'd almost seen Olivia as a daughter. Or at least what he imagined having a daughter might be like. But he was also her boss. Her commanding officer. And he was charged with making decisions not just in her best interest but in the best interest of the entire squad and their cases and victims. It had created a significant grey area about things he was and waasn't allowed to say to her. Where he was allowed to tread. It had often left him feeling during her recovery – if it could be called that – that he hadn't been able to be there for her the way he wanted to be. That he was failing her yet again.

"Et appreciez-vous votre retraite?" Olivia asked.

"Je l'apprecie beacoup," she said. "Mon fils a une petite ferme et cave. Je passé beaucoup de temps la. J'apprends beacoup de nouvelles choses."

"I do not speak a word of French," Will said almost too bluntly.

But Cragen still gave him a thin smile. "Neither do I."

"Her son has a farm and she's spending a lot of time out there," Olivia provided.

"It's just outside of Cutchogue," Eileen said. "It's actually the location of the first winery on Long Island. It's such a beautiful area and so much history ..."

Her voice trailed off as she seemed to notice the sudden sullenness that near instantly settled over their hosts again. The way the silence now rolled off his guest, Cragen knew she was taken aback and now trying to determine what she'd said or done that time.

Eileen seemed to examine the couple for a moment and Cragen found himself wishing that maybe he'd told her more about what the family had been through. All he'd said was that it was likely best not to try to talk about work. That neither he nor Olivia would much want to talk about it and that it didn't really make good dinner conversation. He'd also said that the couple probably wouldn't want to talk about the move, even though the dinner had been labeled as a housewarming function. Thankfully, Eileen hadn't pointed out how strange that seemed. She'd been honoring his suggestions on topics to be avoided but even with avoiding those topics, he certainly didn't think the pain the family was in was very hidden. Especially in that moment.

Cutchogue wasn't even anywhere near the area of Long Island that Lewis had taken Olivia to. But Cragen suspected neither her nor Will were ready yet to spend much time thinking about the whole of Long Island. He wondered if they ever would. He imaged they'd almost prefer to wipe it off the map, just like they likely wished they could wipe what Lewis had done to their family from their memories.

It made him feel an added layer of guilt. He already carried enough guilt about the role he'd played in what happened to Olivia - and to her little boy and husband. But now he felt guilty about dragging Eileen into a situation that she didn't understand and likely wasn't prepared for. Eileen wasn't stupid woman, though. Cragen knew that she was sensing the turmoil that was bubbling in that apartment. She might not be able to put her finger on exactly what was causing it. But it was clearly not just some minor spats. It wasn't that Olivia had wanted dinner guests and Will hadn't. Cragen thought his plus-one understood that far more was going on than that.

"Umm … the berries in Eileen's pie are from the farm too," Cragen quickly provided in trying to shift their attention away from the mention of Long Island. "It's all organic and …" he looked to her again.

"Biodynamic," she provided yet again. For some reason he couldn't get that. It seemed so foreign to him yet there was something endearing about her commitment and enthusiasm about that agricultural method.

"Biodynamically grown," he said and looked at Will.

If Olivia couldn't get him to calm into the dinner, he hoped that he might. But he also didn't want the man to feel pressured to participate. He wasn't sure this dinner was something that Will was ready for. He felt guilty to be doing that to him. To either of them.

"Will's very health conscious," he said and looked to Eileen, even though he knew he'd already told her that in a way of introduction. "He participates in the city triathlon every year."

"Really?" Eileen tried again. Cragen was impressed with how she seemed to be pressing on through the awkwardness. He wondered if that was because she sensed the couple's pain and was trying to make them feel better. Or, rather, if she was doing it for him.

"Yeah," Will said. "I know, with a salad like this it's shocking that we're health conscious."

Olivia's head snapped up from her plate of greens, poached pears, candied nuts, sundried cranberries and goat cheese. She glared at Will.

"This is the salad you asked for," she said. Now it was her who had a tone in her voice.

Cragen was starting to regret that he'd agreed to invite Eileen. But with each junction of the fractured conversation he was also feeling more concerned for his detective. He'd known she was struggling. But watching the interaction between her and her husband now was taking that depiction to a different level. This did not seem like the Will and Olivia he had been allowed to see in the past. It certainly look anything like the Will and Olivia he'd seen while Noah had been sick and wasn't even a glimmer of the happy couple he'd seen at their wedding only a few years ago.

But Will seemed to have suddenly realized he'd stuck his foot in it. His eyes changed and he looked to his wife, his hand landing on top of hers.

"I know, babe," he said. "It's really good. I like when you make it."

Olivia's eyes stayed set on him for a little too long. Cragen couldn't tell what she might be thinking or what – if anything – she might be communicating to her husband in the look she was giving him. But she finally pulled her eyes away and looked back to her plate. Cragen took that as his cue to look back to his own too.

"Well, I really do think the salad is lovely," Eileen said again.

Cragen wouldn't have blamed Eileen for sitting there in silence at that point and counting down the minutes until they could politely excuse themselves. But he appreciated her continued efforts. He'd have to make sure he communicated that to her later. Yet, he wasn't quite sure what to say in the explanation of why he appreciated it.

"What is it that you poached the pears in? I can't quite place it."

"It's miso," Olivia offered. Though she seemed more muted now.

"Miso?" Eileen said somewhat surprised. "What a unique idea."

"It's not hers. She got it off Master Chef," Will muttered. "We watched a lot of mindless TV this summer."

Olivia just glared at him again. Cragen could feel her eyes drilling into him.

"Stop it Will," she mouthed more than whispered and the man's eyes set on her. She rubbed at her eyebrow. "Would you please go check on your course and your son," she said. "And bring the pitcher of water."

At least that's what came out of her mouth. Cragen knew he likely wasn't anywhere near as versed in Olivia's talking with her eyes as her husband was (or likely should be) – but he could see the undertone there. By the time Will came back to the table, he was expected to be a new man or he wasn't to come back. Somehow, based on what he was seeing that night, he thought that might be asking a little much of Will. But the man stood and walked to the edge of the dining area, looking over to the couch where their little boy still seemed transfixed with operating the helicopter. He then stepped around the island and into the kitchen and cluttered around a bit while he checked the status of the entre and its sides.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said a little quietly with her husband still not technically out of earshot and likely knowing she was apologizing on his behalf and for his behavior. But she seemed genuinely embarrassed for the both of them. "It's been a while since we've had company. We aren't usually like this."

"I really am enjoying it," Eileen said with a smile. She appeared to. She plate was almost cleared. "It really was sweet of you to invite me."

Olivia gave the other woman a thin smile. "We're glad you could join us."

"Well, I had to meet Don's 'best detective'," Eileen said with another smile. "But I did feel a little badly having you prepare such a beautiful meal this close to Thanksgiving."

Olivia shook her head. "It's OK. We never end up having to manage Thanksgiving dinner and rarely have company to cook for."

"Oh, do you go to your family for Thanksgiving and let them handle the cooking?" Eileen asked.

Olivia nodded. "We usually have Thanksgiving with Will's family. His mother is quite the cook."

"Do they live close by?" Eileen asked.

"They're just out on Staten Island," Will said as he returned with the pitcher and topped up his wife's glass before looking across the table and holding up the pitcher to them. They both shook their heads in declination of a refill. He nodded.

"Tottenville," he added as he sat back down. "You should come."

"WILL," Olivia snapped, her head snapping to him nearly as quickly and loudly as her word had.

"What?" Will spat back. Though it was clearly more of a 'What did I say or do now?' and his tone seemed to say that he thought it was now her who was being rude. "My parents would love if Captain Cragen came."

Olivia sighed. She'd likely realized how abruptly she'd cut Will off in his invitation. She looked across the table at them.

"I'm sorry," she said again with deeper embarrassment. "I didn't mean …" she sighed louder and looked at her plate that she had seemed to have barely picked at while the rest of them had been eating the gourmet salad. "You're more than welcome to join us for Thanksgiving," she said after a moment. "Will's family is just … big … and I sometimes feel like he's tossing people into the deep end when he randomly puts out these invitations."

Will snorted and looked at her. "I 'randomly' invited you to Thanksgiving and it worked out."

A smile seemed to finally emerge on Olivia's face at that comment. It tugged at her lips like her mouth had become so used to being creased it wasn't sure how to upturn anymore and was resisting the movement. But Cragen could still see it there. It was nice to see. It made the dinner so far more bearable. Maybe there was something that resemble a capacity for normalcy still buried within his detective somewhere.

"Barely," she said. "I think we might remember how that day went a little differently."

Will looked across the table at them. "I brought Olivia and Noah home to meet my parents for the first time on Thanksgiving weekend …"

Olivia interrupted him. "To meet your parents?" she actually laughed at that and looked back across the table to them too. "One. I didn't just 'meet his parents'. I was subjected to the entire McTeague brood without any forewarning about just how many of them there were or how loud – and obnoxious," she said casting Will a look at that, "they were. And two. We weren't dating. So I was not technically 'meeting your parents for the first-time'."

"Math isn't her strong point," Will contended with that comical tone of his that again was emerging for near the first time that night. It was another thing that Cragen had known Olivia had been attracted to in Will even though it had been left unsaid. But he had a sarcasm and a wit about it. As did his detective. Cragen had been starting to think they'd lost that but maybe it was still hiding there somewhere too.

"First time is first time, Liv. It only happens once," he said. "And, her definition of dating has always been a little confusing too. We were dating."

His detective rolled her eyes. "We were not dating."

"Do you want a list of all the examples of dates we went on prior to you meeting my parents?" Will asked.

Her eyes rolled even more. "No one wants that." She looked at them again. "He's delusional. Every time we walked to the subway in the morning counts as a date in his mind."

But that just caused Eileen to smile. They'd clearly hit on either a topic she was interested in or she was just glad to see the mood lightening too and was latching on to the opportunity to extend it while it was there.

"Is that how you met? Same subway stop?"

Will shook his head. "Nah. They moved into the apartment next to mine. But, anyways, the point being, for how traumatizing spending Thanksgiving with my family allegedly was, she's still around and still attending Thanksgiving – seven years later."

"I don't have much of a choice in the matter anymore," she muttered.

"And, Liv, is awful about ever inviting anyone to any of my family's parties or events," Will said, likely as some sort of backwards apology on her behalf now. "Have you ever invited Captain Cragen to one of their gatherings?"

Olivia gave him another look but this time kind of gapped like he'd put forward some sort of accusation. Cragen interjected, though.

"I don't really like parties," he said and turned to Eileen with a gesture back across the table to Olivia's husband. "Will's family is quite well-known in the firefighter and police community. They're even more well-known for their gatherings."

Will allowed a small nod. "But Thanksgiving isn't one of their events. It's just family. So you're welcome to come, if you like."

Cragen caught the 'just family' comment. He was almost touched by it but he found himself wondering how much Olivia agreed. She didn't have a family on her side, though, he wasn't sure she considered him family. She'd said in the past, though, that SVU was her family. She wasn't sure that was true anymore. Will's family was her family.

Cragen had seen how much of a role Will's family had been playing in her recovery – in all of their recovery. He wasn't sure he'd been on the side of the McTeague dynasty prior to all of this. As much as he liked Will, he wasn't much for the politics of the first responder community and Ted McTeague had seemed like he built his life around playing the politics of the FDNY and was versed in all the politics of the NYPD too. Cragen preferred to distance himself from that. That wasn't why he was on the job. He hated that aspect of the job. Ted McTeague seemed to thrive in it.

That, though, had been important during Olivia's recovery. It had been good she had someone who was versed in the system and the media and the unions and all the politics. Though it had meant she had guidance what Cragen had appreciated more was that she had yet another protective wall built in front of her. It had been clear from the moment they pulled Olivia out of that beach house that Ted McTeague wasn't going to let anyone near his family, particularly his daughter-in-law. He'd lived up to his bulldog reputation and he'd done a good job at diverting and dodging the media on Olivia's behalf in those early days.

It wasn't just that, though. Cragen had known that Olivia and her family had spent the first months at Will's parents' home. He'd appreciated that too. It had been good to know she wasn't alone. That none of them where. As much as they had each other, he was glad there'd been more than just them. That they had people who cared about all three of them rallied around them. He'd worked in SVU long enough to know how important that was. He'd experienced for himself how difficult it was to deal with an atrocity without a family foundation of support in his own way the summer before. But his trauma hadn't even begun to be comparable to what Olivia's family had endured.

He'd known too that she must've appreciated it. He'd overheard little comments over the years to know that Olivia had had Will's family at arm's length. But since her return to work, he'd heard near the opposite. She still had a protective barrier around her. Yet he also knew that Will's parents were still an active presence in their lives and recovery. They needed that.

"Is your family NYPD too, Will?" Eileen asked.

"No. They're firefighters," Will said. There wasn't any emotion in his response. So Cragen provided a bit more on his behalf as Olivia had been doing earlier.

"His father is Ted McTeague. He was quite well-known in the firefighter's union and worked on the 9/11 commission."

Will just shrugged. Cragen knew that William McTeague disassociated himself for his family's name to some extent. But he regretted that the mention of their connections in that context seem to be turning him into a mute again.

"That must've been emotionally challenging but rewarding work?" Eileen suggested.

Will shrugged. "You'd have to talk to him about that. I'm sure he'd love to talk about it." At that he stood from the table and looked at them. "Are you done with your plates?" he asked.

Cragen nodded, as did Eileen and he leaned forward and took them, retreating to the kitchen, while he left his wife with them and her still nearly untouched salad.

"We don't like to talk about 9/11," Olivia said quietly.

There wasn't the addition that Will didn't like to talk about this family. There wasn't a suggestion that it hinted at the subject of his dead wife. It just was a blanket statement. Cragen found it almost strange that Olivia seemed willing to put out there that that topic was off-bounds while so many others clearly were yet remained unstated. It seemed like a dinner where almost no topic was safe. Everything was loaded. Cragen imagined they might feel that way in their daily life too. Likely things that hadn't even yet realized were triggering them. He and Eileen seemed to be doing a good job at stepping on multiple landmines in the process so far.

"The meal will be ready in just a minute," Will said from the counter. "I just need to plate it."


End file.
